With new and returning college students starting classes in Ellensburg this week, I started thinking about my first year at Central. If you had asked me during that first week what my life would look like five years from then, here are the options I would have shared with you:
- Teaching in a classroom, likely close to where I grew up.
- Teaching overseas and doing missions in that capacity.
- And, if we were close, I would have also shared that I thought I would be married. (Most of the ladies in my family were married by the time they were 21, so I assumed this would be me by 23.)
During my first year in Ellensburg, God started to show me that He had other plans in mind. I fell in love with the school where I did my practicum and had a gut feeling that I would be doing my student teaching there – not back home like I originally planned.
During my second year, I was offered a Children’s Ministry Internship, which I initially turned down. I was supposed to be a teacher who would volunteer at my church, not someone who would work at the church, right? I am so grateful that the Kid’s Pastor told me to pray about it some more. Joining staff was probably one of the best decisions I’ve made up to this point in my life (second to following Jesus, of course).
After my student teaching, I had a lot to pray about and consider. It took a lot of time and a lot of conversations, but I chose to stay on staff at my church. While it was a hard decision, I can look back and say it was the right one. In January, I will have been on staff for four years, and I can’t imagine being anywhere else.
That being said, this is not what I had in mind.
I’m a planner, but nothing has happened the way I planned. My life looks nothing like what I thought it would. And if I’m honest, this has included some grieving. We often believe that grief is just when we lose someone or something we love, but it is so much more than that. It 100% includes losing a loved one, losing a job, and so many other losses that sound like “normal” grief. What we often don’t realize is that grief also includes when distance grows in a friendship, when we move, when we lose out on an opportunity, when our plans change, and countless other scenarios.
What I didn’t count on was how much grief hurts. Every fall, I see my teacher friends posting about their classrooms and their excitement about welcoming a new class of learners. While I am so excited for them, it is another reminder that I don’t have that. I had always believed that my life would include teaching in a classroom either in the States or overseas. Each year this hurts less and less as I understand more and more that I am exactly where God wants me. But there are still days when it hurts.
While I love my job, there have been times of grief there. I’ve watched staff come and go. I’ve had volunteers and families whom I’ve built connections with, only for them to move away. I’ve had to make hard decisions and be the one who takes the fall if something isn’t right. I have been overwhelmed and stressed more often than I’d like to admit. It hasn’t been easy. But it has been so worth it.
The people who leave can take what they’ve learned and be lights in their new places. My only hope is that I have done my part in God’s plan to prepare them for their next adventure.
God has blessed me with an amazing community.
I love the kids, families, and leaders who I have the privilege of serving.
I have had incredible opportunities, and I know there are still more to come.
I still teach. It just looks different.
I still get to be part of missions. It just looks different.
I may not have my own family yet, but I have so many people that have become family, including the kiddos at my church.
I don’t always understand God’s plan or timing, but I know I can trust Him with it all.
This is not what I had in mind, but I am so grateful that God’s plans are better than mine.